


Schwarzer Regen

by TheVesselFamily



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Blood, Connor doesn't speak English, Dutch Chloe, Dutch Jared, F/M, Future, German Brooke, German Christine, German Connor, German Evan, German Jake, German Rich, German Zoe, Guns, He can understand it though, M/M, Nurse Brooke, Nurse Chloe, Sad, Soldier Christine, Soldier Jake, Soldier Jared, Soldier Rich, Soldier Zoe, War AU, World War 3, soldier michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-16 10:52:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14163246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVesselFamily/pseuds/TheVesselFamily
Summary: Michael felt every moment spent with Jeremy, every tear shed at his side, every day they woke up together, and he wouldn't even get to say goodbye.(War/Future AU)(Alt. Titled; As all the soldiers were screaming, all I could hear was you.)





	1. Müde

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheMcBunny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMcBunny/gifts).



> "Schwarzer Regen," means "Black Rain," in German.  
> Don't you just love how literature can tear your heart out, smash in against the sidewalk, gently put it back together, kiss it delicately, and then crush it again? It's the reason I'm into reading, you guys.  
> Title from "Schwarzer Regen," by Regulus. I read somewhere that this song was about world war 1 or 2, and I couldn't stop. McBunny and I actually met in our German lit. class, and she introduced me to this song after talking for a while.  
> Sorry if the German is off! I don't fully speak it, and I had to google some things, but mostly I think I did alright??  
> Also I did want to add some of the German lyrics from the song in here, not them like, singing, more like a reassurance chant. Or something. /anyway/

Multiple years ago, Michael and his husband, Jeremy, moved to Germany. They studied the language diligently, both deciding mutually that's where they wanted to be. 

They thought all the wars were over, the big ones, at least. Michael never thought he'd be miles and miles from Jeremy, sitting in a bunker, drinking until he passed out with soldiers he never knew. "Hey Mich, why the trauermiene?" Canigula regaled, face red from the amount of spirits she drank prior.

"Denkend." Michael looked up sorrowfully at the beaming face in front of him, "why do we miss the people we love so much?"

"Ah, Mich, I don't know, herzig." She reached out a soft hand, placing it firmly on his shoulder, "menschsein means we make sad thoughts. We must think about liebe happily, and what we are fighting for, Mich." 

Michael smiled fondly. He knew he was lucky to have a soldier like Canigula. She was so kind, and determined. He knew without her, most of the soldiers would be a little more lacking in willpower, without her they'd have a lot more dead soldiers, Michael included. 

Goranski stood on the table where he, Michael, Canigula, and Dillinger sat, giggling like a school girl. He looked down at Dillinger, who punched his leg softly and and whispered, "Mach's!"

"Genug jetzt!" He yelled, making any lingering attention snap to him. "Was ist diese Welt?" He opened his arms, smiling gleefully with his red face. He earned a large shouting of soldiers, including Michael, screaming, "So eine schöne Welt!"

Goranski and the rest of the crowd kept screaming their reassurance chant when Michael decided that was enough. He got up, but was stopped by Christine momentarily, "where are you going?" She chuckled out, a big smile on her face.

"Schlafen. If today was bad, tomorrow will be worse." He walked away, leaving a disappointed Canigula on a sourly pessimistic note.

He was so tired, he didn't notice when his fellow soldiers stomped into he room, the gunshots and screams up above, or anything. He was going to sleep, and when he woke up he'd be with Jeremy, seeing his beautifully colourful green eyes and his thermal smile. He'd explain his nightmare to him, and he'd hold him tight as he explained that it was alright, that he was there.


	2. Regen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy felt his eyes get wet with rain, but he kept them open. He felt as though everyday was a very rainy day without Michael.

He hated the fact he was alone. He hated the fact he still cried. He hated the fact the world still moved. It's the end, don't they see? Michael's no longer with him. But why could he feel him? So close?

He felt himself cry. He did this a lot. He wouldn't be surprised if he got dehydrated in a little bit. He didn't want to get up. But he hated his bed. 

He never knew how lonely a bed could feel until he and Michael shared one. He wanted Michael back, he didn't care if Germany lost or won, he just wanted Michael back.

Something inside him was screaming, _any day now, you'll get the letter saying you'll never see him again._ He knew this was true, but he didn't want it to be. He wanted his Michael back.

He heard knocking on the door, some hopeful part of him screeched, _Michael, Michael! It's Michael! Oh, Michael!_ but it wasn't. As always. It was Evan and Connor. 

"Hullo." Evan smiled sweetly, bringing in Jeremy's coffee he didn't ask for.

"Morgen." He sat up, wiping his eyes. He took the coffee delicately get from Evan. Iced. He was too good to him.

Connor reached out an arm, rubbing Jeremy's back gently. "Geht's dir gut?"

"Never." Came his, albeit, pessimistic response.

"Michael's strong, herzig. I'm sure he'll be gut." Evan sympathized. He disliked the thought of being separated from his loved one, especially by the act of war. He knows Jeremy hasn't seen Michael in years, he knows Jeremy told himself that Michael was doing this for him, he knows better.

Jeremy has given up. He knows Michael will die. Ambushes, bombs, guns, poison, disease, the list goes on. Michael will die. That's that.

But he has to keep going. If nothing else, he has to keep Michael in his thoughts. He needs to keep praying for him, to keep believing in him. 

The chances are slim, but if Michael did survive, Jeremy needs to be alive to be there for him. He knew Michael was alive now. That's all he needed to know to keep going. 

He put his feet on the ground, contemplating to get up. He decided to when Evan and Connor got up. Evan moved swiftly to Jeremy's closet, and grabbed a coat. "Let's go out to eat. Connor'll pay." He laughed when Connor pushed him gently, whispering, "fein."

* * *

Jeremy smiled at the greeting waitress. "Tafel für drei," she said, leading them to their table. Jeremy muttered a thanks as he sat down. He's pretty sure she asked what drinks they were getting, _wasser,_ she came back and asked what they were going to eat, _pfannkuchen,_ and brought back the food, _danke schön._

They ate in delight. Evan and Connor making mild conversation, while Jeremy sat smiling. Evan turned to Jeremy, smiling his sweet, sympathetic smile. "Jared said he met Michael." 

Jeremy looked up, "oh, when?" 

"He said on Friday. He says that Michael was talking about you." 

"What was he saying?" Jeremy started playing with the hem of his sweater. 

"Alle guten dinge." Connor reassured as he placed a hand on Jeremy's, a warm smile on his face.

Evan nodded. "Jared was talking about how Michael went on and on about how much liebe he feels for you, herzig, and how he wants to see you." Jeremy smiled, genuinely. Of course, in all the letters he gets from Michael, Michael expresses his deepest emotions for him, but to hear he's expressing his love for him to others, made his heart skip a beat. He felt tears in his eyes, happier tears, but held them back. 

"Danke."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Herzig- dear  
> Geht's dir gut?- Are you okay?  
> Gut- good/okay (Whichever works)  
> Fein- fine  
> Tafel für drei- Table for three  
> Wasser- water  
> Pfannkuchen- pancakes  
> Danke schön- thank you  
> Alle guten dinge- all good things  
> Liebe- love


	3. Kreig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the rain beat down on the soldiers, Michael sat. He was thinking about Jeremy, and how this would all be over, outcome number being two. Either he would go home to Jeremy, or he'd die.

The gunshots did nothing to wake him. The bomb did. 

He woke with a shutter, as he looked around the crowded room. He heard screaming, and rushed out, throwing on the jeans and black shirt required. 

He saw a familiar face, that girl he met with Kleinman last Friday. Brooke was running around as Chloe, bent in two over the girl, shouted at her, something, something, _brandwunde_ , something, something, _**bombe**._

Okay, of course, the Americans have bombs, okay. So does Germany, it's fine. We all have bombs, and guns, and dead men. What was the girls name? Right, Murphy, Zoe. Didn't Jeremy write to him about a Murphy? Cole? Caden? Connor. It was Connor. 

Michael ran over to her, and grabbed her hand. He felt the sweat and blood pool in his own. A chunk of her arm was taken out, possibly by flying debris.

"Hey, hey, bleib stark, Murphy, Connor, yeah?" He looked up at her, she smiled a painful smile as she nodded.

"Bruder." She choked out, smiling wide. "You- you know him?" She had a very heavy German accent, Michael was used to it.

"Yes, yes, you have to stay strong, for him, yes?" He said, smiling when she nodded softly. 

Kleinman was screaming now. He ran up to her, grabbing her face, whispering things Michael couldn't hear. He kissed her forehead gently, tears rolling down his face. Michael felt his heart break, no wonder they were always so close. 

She reached up with her hands, Michael saw Kleinman shutter as she held his cheek, rubbing it gently. She wiped his tears away, bringing his forehead to hers. 

"Ich liebe dich." She sobbed, as he started shaking his head, he was muttering things Michael's sure Zoe couldn't even hear. Chloe pressed her fingers to Zoe's neck, then wrist, then thumb. Everywhere, checking for a pulse. 

She looked up at Kleinman, and rubbed his arm. "Damn it," Michael realized he was swearing in English, a common thing these soldiers did, "Damn it!" He sobbed, he rubbed his temples, "Zoe, Zoe," Michael started crying himself. 

His eyebrows furrowed, Canigula was rubbing circles into a crying Kleinman's back. "Es tut mir Leid, liebe." She's saying as he shakes his head with red eyes.

"Mell!" Michael looks up from the smiling Zoe's face to Dillinger, who gestures to his uniform. 

* * *

 

Michael feels the rain pelt him as he makes way to his station, momentarily tripping over a teddy bear, he picked it up and tossed it to the kid to was reaching out for it. He noticed how young the mother was, he smiled at her meekly, making way up to the muddy top of the trenches, over time they've become much less crowded, but he's sad to say that is because of the deaths caused by the other side.

He sighs when someone from the other side decides to enter No Man's Land, only to be shot dead, people do this too much, a way to declare their own surrender, to talk it out, but it never works out.

Michael's knocked out of thought by a piece of mud hitting his face, he looks over to the sight of fire and blood, and pulls on his mask quickly. He hears Goranski and Dillinger yelling about surrender, he hears a lot of yelling, but what he pays attention to is Jeremy. What if he just died? What if it landed just a little bit closer? He jumped in on the idea of surrender, as did a lot of the soldiers, he just wanted this damn war to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brandwunde- Burn  
> Bombe- Bomb  
> Bleib Stark- Stay Strong  
> Bruder- Brother  
> Ich liebe dich- I love you  
> Es tut mir Leid, liebe- I'm sorry, love


	4. Tränen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy's anxiety didn't quell, for he knew Michael was getting his letters, he was just not getting Michael's.

The last thing Jeremy wanted to do was get out of bed, but it was the least he could do for Evan, when he texted asking him to come over.

Jeremy was expecting a lot of things, for example, Evan or Connor to answer the door. Neither of them did, though, so he let himself in.

One thing he was not expecting was to see a crying Connor. 

See, Connor isn't a crier. The only time prior to this moment Jeremy has seen him cry was when his sister, Zoe, was leaving. They weren't too close, in fact, they were as far from each other as family bonds would allow. 

He sat down on their chair, straight, disturbed by the absolute sobbing mess Connor was being. Evan looked at him sorrowfully, and handed him a letter. 

Jeremy felt his heart drop to his feet. He got it. He opened the letter, something, something, _Zoe, stark, kreiger_ , something, something, _bombe_.

He looked up as Connor was wiping his eyes, he noticed him bite his lip. Connor stood up, as did Jeremy, and pulled him into a hug. Jeremy rubbed his back, whispering his apologies, as Evan stood up too.

"I'll go make coffee," he said, looking back at the two.

"I-," Jeremy choked, realizing, what if there was another? What if _Michael_ died? He remembered getting up, not even getting dressed, and coming over quickly. He didn't check _his_ mail. "I need to go, I'll be back, I promise." 

* * *

 

He panicked, fumbling with his keys before finally getting them in the slot. He turned so fast he'd thought he broke them. Opened the mailbox.

Nothing.

He brief moment of relief spread over him. And then anger, _what the hell, Michael_? 

He sent like, 12 letters in the last 3 weeks. All _begging_ Michael to respond. He had _nothing_ in his mailbox. 

He knows Michael's getting his letters, then why isn't he responding? Was he embarrassed by the amount of letters Jeremy was sending? Well too bad, he's just a _worried_ husband, and he'll send as many _goddamned_ letters as he needed until Michael responded.

He just wanted his Michael back, he wanted this damned war to be over.


	5. Daheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were _tired_ , the _rain_ wouldn't stop, they felt the _war_ would stop when the rain did, with that lack of hope, the _tears_ joined, they didn't expect him to come _home._

When the rain ends, there is a rainbow. Hope, right? The question remains, though, when will the rain end? 

It seems that Jeremy will have to wait for his letters to get to Michael.

* * *

 As Michael shuffled through the letters Jeremy sent, he smiles. He feels bad for making his husband worry, but he knows soon he will see him again, he just needs to not be shot.

Which is easier than you'd imagine, just don't shoot back. 

He walks to his post with his old toothy grin, breathing in the fresh air, it seems that the rain had cleared up.  

* * *

 

Evan starts his trek to Jeremy's house, holding Connor's hand tight. It was typical to walk in on a mopey Jeremy, he never answered his door anymore, but today seemed different, for Jeremy has answered his door.

"Hey," he said, "my apologies, but I'm kind of busy."

"With what?" Evan chuckled.

"Writing rude letters to my no-good husband." He smiled.

"I- huh?" Evan was processing, "No good?"

Jeremy nodded vigorously as he shut the door. He breathed in harshly, "alright Michael, no good bastard, incapable of answering worried letters."

* * *

 

Michael was giddy. He read the letters Jeremy was sending him, each one angrier than the last, he felt light, like how he felt when he first kissed Jeremy, like he could do anything. 

"Woah, Nur die Ruhe, Mich." Goranski laughs, Michael joining.

Every soldier was having the time of their lives.

* * *

 

Jeremy got up as he heard knocking on the door. 

"Dammit, Evan, I told you I was," woah. "Busy." 

He looks up at the figure, he's changed, "Oh my god."

He was warm, Jeremy wrapped his arms around him tighter, sobbing. This was amazing.

"Did you miss me?" 

Jeremy pulls away and slaps the shoulder softly, "Uh, yeah! I missed you, your stupid face, and your  _stupid_ inability to answer letters!"

Michael laughs gently, wrapping Jeremy in another hug.

Woah.

"This has like, got to be a dream, there is no way." Jeremy laughs, "pinch me, I'm serious." Michael leaned over, pinching Jeremy softly, laughing at the noise he made, "so it's not a dream."

"Sorry not for answering your letters, we were just so busy, and I thought it'd be useless if my letters came while I was with you, so I just thought I'd answer you here." Michael chuckled nervously.

"I'm just glad your home." Jeremy pushed himself closer to Michael's chest. "Like, where did you come from?" 

"Well, there was the party over the end of the war, and then Evan came to pick up Jared, and he drove me back to, but you were busy writing rude letters to me, so I-"

"Wait are you kidding?" Jeremy interrupted, staring Michael right in his face, "I was so close to you, yet I was writing rant letters to you? I'm a fucking idiot." Michael chuckled, ruffling Jeremy's hair.

"I'm just glad my risk of death is lower now."

"So am I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done. Fun fact, as I am finishing this story a war song came on.  
> Nur die Ruhe- relax  
> Müde- Tired  
> Regen- Rain  
> Kreig- War  
> Tränen- Tears  
> Daheim- Home  
> Thank you for reading! Remember don't staple tape to your scissors bye

**Author's Note:**

> Trauermiene- long face  
> Denkend- thinking  
> Herzig- Dear  
> Menschsein- Being human  
> Liebe- Love  
> Mach's!- Do it!  
> Genug jetzt!- Alright already! (He used it as "alright ready! No more talking, focus here!")  
> Was ist diese Welt?- What is this world?  
> So eine schöne Welt!- Such a beautiful world!


End file.
